I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we're so committed to being not committed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
