Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
