I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
