It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize