The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
