cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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