No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
