she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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