so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
