is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is my gift to your gina
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
