I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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