you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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