Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
