i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
