So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
