Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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