My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
