we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
