the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
