State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
