i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
