wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
