Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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