Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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