I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
