I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
