Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
