How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
