Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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