Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
