Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
