im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize