I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
