I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
