her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
