Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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