i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
