:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
