I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
