if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
