I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
