How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
