I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
