just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
