i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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