I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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