Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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