Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
