How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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