Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
