The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize