my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
