please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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