Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
