I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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