Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
