what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
