just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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