i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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