Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
