wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
