I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So here I am, sexting at work.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
