He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize