Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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