I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
