Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
