Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
