Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
