remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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